But I am not thinking about anything but the fact that Chris hasn't called me.

It is just fucking careless. I sent him a birthday present, complete with "love you"s scribbled inside of book covers and little flamingo socks. I know he has gotten it by now.

Does he call? No.

I am too busy is just not an excuse that I will accept with 12 hours before my limo (yay!) leaves for the airport.

He just doesn't care, or has just already closed the part of his mind that thinks about me. I understand that I am no longer in his life, but does he have to make it that clear?

So, if he doesn't call me in the next few hours, I am going to call him, noonish tomorrow and either say or recite the most terrible message possible to him. In my mind at the moment it is something like this:

"Chris, I don't know how to tell you how rejected you have made me feel today. You haven't thanked me for the birthday present, you haven't called me back, you haven't even called to say goodbye before I leave for 7 months. I know I am not in your life, but I still exist and think about you. For you to not make any effort to acknowledge me since we said goodbye in connecticut --think about it, have you called me once?-- well, it is just heartbreaking. I am taking you off my buddy list, I am not giving my contact information, in fact, I don't even want to think about you for the next seven months, or maybe even longer-- I don't know right now. And I don't care if you have been busy, there is no way you have been too busy to make a goodbye phone call, it either means you don't care about me or you are careless with me-- I don't know which is worse. I can't forgive you for this again. Goodbye Chris"

ugh, nothing is worse than the slow death he has caused me. I want to die, or go to europe, or something.