Rory and I had one of our walks home talking intellectual talk in which I completely failed to help direct the conversation. Lirra makes me feel terrible about everything. The rest of the group never looks me in the eye anymore. I just feel so forgotten by the world. I didn't talk to a single person, all weekend, not a single person but hallo to my roommate and 2 IM convos with nonotherthan vincent. I didn't even get an e-mail, from anyone....

I feel so unnecessary to everything. One of those days that you feel like you failed as a human being. We have so much potential to do so many things! Why I am sitting here eating movie theater candy pretending that these thoughts are the slightest bit original?

On nights like these my thoughts return to Chris as this constant image of what loneliness wouldn't feel like. Fuck that. Seriously. Why I am teasing myself with dried up dreams of him still needing me? It was not yesterday. Its literally been six months since we've spoken. That's an eternity at 20.

The worst part is that I can't thing of a single thing to make myself feel better tonight. Drink the rest of that bottle of wine? Gross. Go for a bike ride? Lonely. Read something, anything? I wouldn't focus. Write some more? I have already exhausted my handwritten journal and hands.

There is nothing that is going to make today worth falling asleep after, and nothing that is going to make tomorrow worth waking up for. My class was canceled, the internet is losing its thrills, I think I will stay in bed.