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| ( 05.15.06 + 4:31 am ) reflecting on the loss of something that didn’t matter to me at all really it was just one of those comfortable no obligation kind of contracts that you only find when it is in both of your interests in how did it start again oh yes he asked me to coffee or was it that message of mine with the typed blushes and giggles that set things off to the start of a beautiful friendship that always began with how was your week became how can i touch your body and ended with how was your mine too weak kisses see you next week kind of thing that was so much fun to tell your friends about in a oh it is great we just have sex and i don’t have to meet his friends kind of a way that lasted so well until that week that i got so sick and didn’t want a single person (even myself at times) to take care of me especially his soup offers in that week that i turned down sex and a date from a friend and an acquaintance respectfully which clearly means it should have been clear not to sleep with another and then tell me of the other in comparing me so much better you are so much better you are so much better if he would have only stopped telling me that and let me be myself by myself again wasn’t myself because my selfish ways never want to be dependent upon any one or one guy who wears hats and collared shirts of all things which was never my type except for when he would move his lips like that oh now that was my type who works so well with limited degrees of involvement and absolute degrees of penetration until that rainy study break invitation until a night when I just couldn’t look him in the eyes long enough to realize exactly how we said goodbye.
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